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Saturday, July 14, 2012

The Pie Chart of Discipline

by Mom

If you're like me, you probably envisioned how you would discipline your child long before he started snatching toys and throwing sucker punches.

Being a writer and someone who fancied herself a strong communicator, I knew that "talking it out" would be my weapon of choice in those rare instances when my child sidelined his stellar upbringing and screwed up.

I would gently pull him aside (never scold him in public) and without raising my tone, I'd recap the chain of events and go over some "better choices" he could have made.  I'd explain why his behavior was not desirable but be sure to validate his feelings.  I'd encourage him to apologize and set him on the path of empathy.  I'd try to sneak in the benefit of sharing, taking turns and not clocking someone upside the head without sounding preachy.  I'd assure him that my love is unconditional.  We'd hug and emerge better people.

In the four plus years I've been a parent I think I've used this method 1/2 time.  Instead, when Jake misbehaves, disciplinary action pretty much breaks out as follows.


As you can see, I lean toward yelling, eye rolling and putting up a good appearance.  This perhaps because we have one of those "strong-willed" children you may have heard about.

Okay, for better or worse, I fessed up about my actions.  What does your pie chart look like?

16 comments:

  1. Love the pie chart! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm following you back from What's Cooking in the Burbs. Have a great afternoon!

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  2. Hi there! I wanted to let you know I have nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger's Award! You can check out the nomination here:
    http://suburbanfarmmom.blogspot.com/2012/07/its-major-award.html
    Thanks again for writing such great stuff!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Suburban! I'll check it out!

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  3. Aaah! Love it! My daughter is only 9 months old so the only disciplining I've had to do so far is "No" "No" "No" constantly throughout the day when she is trying to do something like stick her hand in the toilet or tip over the dog's water bowl. Unfortunately, she does not yet understand No. Despite this being the only disciplining I have to do, I still find that I'm already growing weary of all the "No"ing and having trouble keeping my resolve. Sigh. I'm doomed.
    -Laura
    www.strollerparkingonly.com

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    1. Oh, I still discipline with "no" also. "I SAID no." "I mean it - no!" "When I say no, it means NO." You get the idea...

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    2. @Laura: Please stop saying "no" to your child. Give her a big bowl (or bowls) full of water, put her in the tub full of water and bowls, get her a water table or let her splash around in the kitchen sink - she obviously wants to play with some water so LET HER. Of course she understands "no" she's probably just tuned you out (if you're weary of all the "no-ing" can you imagine what she's thinking?) And if you keep this up, when you really need that "no" (like when she's running into the street) she'll have tuned you out completely.

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    3. I concur, Anonymous. Fight big battles later!

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  4. Toys would go in "toy jail" and wouldn't be released until behavior improved. Popped in on the blog hop. Give me a visit some time ~
    thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com

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    1. We also have "kid jail" - known as his room. But there's toys, books and a comfy bed in there so I'm not sure how punishing it really is. Although he's not too happy when he's sent there.

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  5. I love that YOU love it. Thanks!

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  6. We're still at "that's not for babies!" which usually encourages a lot more touching and poking at whatever item is "not for babies" - along with a challenging look that manages to say "really, mom? is this REALLY not for babies? Cuz i'm pretty sure i'm still touching it and you're still sitting on the couch."

    My fav is 'snap fingers at husband!' lol

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    1. Yes, and Baby's Law states that if you indicate in any way shape or form that it's not allowed, they will want to do it more than ever. This is as much a part of their makeup as is a nose, mouth and hands.

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  7. Haha, this is so true. I had such good intentions to discipline as carefully as you described in the paragraph before the chart. I'd see other parents employing Pie Chart Methods and think, "Oh, that's not the right way to handle it! When I'm a parent, I'll discipline better than they do, that's for sure."

    Yeah, 4 kids later and now I'm a walking example of the Pie Chart ;)
    Found you at Finding the Funny link up.
    ~Christie

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  8. INstead of because I said so, answer each of his whys with another question. That would totally throw him for a loop and I bet he'd get so sick of the questions, he'd just stop!

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  9. LMAO!!! I swear, i thought parents had that all figured out. like today am going to shout or today am just not going to talk. well, am nigerian (africa) and I know my mom's pie chart is something like: YELL! it used to work, but now my kids just grumble back at me out of earshot and sometimes do what i want and occasionally talk back; beat them up! just with slippers, something that'll put back the fear of God into them. it works and no, its not child abuse. Because i said so- thats universal. The evil eye works every goddamn time, cuz we kids know whats going to happen if we dont follow it. lol....my mom will go "Matthew (my dad) do you see what this children are doing" and then eyeball us, knowing fully well we're bout to get a lecture. ignore them. she does that most of the time or she'd just sigh and say "okay ma. you know best."

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